Been 2 long

Sometimes life is just that way.
Are you really interested in what has gone on? Well lots. Lots. But mostly change. Lots of change and through change there's been many emotions. I can't tell you how much I love my Heavenly Father. Awww, God is so sneaky like that. He'll make you stronger if you let him but only if you recognize his hand in all things. I feel so bad for those that haven't realized his power in their life or even been introduced to him. I can only imagine the pain those that have no clue about the teachings of Jesus Christ must feel. I really believe that everyone of us know there is a god but may not know he really is our father.
What a difference that simple fact makes.
Before I get into why all this has come to surface in my life once again let me share with you a link I found on my sister's website that can put things into perspective......http://www.transformationteam.net/video/best_dad.php

This video and song really makes you think and if you'd like to read the story behind it, if you haven't already, you can look it up at http://www.weboflove.org/050917dadtrulycares

THANKS TRICIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're an inspiration to me and I love you so much for your great example.

Some of you may understand what depression and anxiety really is. I mean true physical depression that you can't control because your body doesn't supply the correct seratonin (happy juice) to your body to make you think correctly and not to be counterproductive to yourself(aka self destruct) Up until I was 24 I did not have answers to why I felt the way I did. I went to a doctor and he told me I was depressed and had anxiety. Well duh! I knew that but did I really need medication to help that. He said meds and counseling would help, but of course counseling was out of the question. It was hard enough being labeled "Crazy!" I cried for days. It took months to adjust to the right meds. Zoloft was my life saver. I don't take that lightly. It is my life saver. For many, it can have opposite affects and want them to kill themselves. As for me, if I have at least half the correct dose I can still survive but will suffer from anxiety and just sleep all day. To the point, I have to take 2 anti-depressants to sustain normality.
Our family has more than been struggling financially this year and in the last 2 months our insurance co pays have gone up. So one of my meds cost $80 a month and the other $10. So I got rid of the more expensive and didn't think it would hurt too much but I WAS WRONG! I still can't afford it but know that I need it. I also went off the 10 because the last time I filled it it was 30 and for some reason it's now back to 10. Anyhow, all my bills came tumbling down and my meds were gone. So I figured I'd have to somehow come up with $ for the power and insurance bills first. I asked for help from the bishop and was told that I really needed to be seen by the Dr. and to get back on my meds.
I knew this and wasn't exactly happy that he didn't offer to help pay for anything. Mad and frustrated about everything, not to mention confused, I asked myself "What is the lord trying to teach me?" Strange to think coming from the mind of a psychotic woman wanting to blow her head off at the same time. OF COURSE I WON'T! Like I said I know my symptoms and needs and have been there done that!
Well, the bishop wants Scott to be involved and work out things with me. Me too! But we both can't force him so I was back to square one. CONFUSED! Confusing to you too, well that's the summarization of my ordeal, call me if you want the ramblings on of the whole ordeal.
After multiple fights, arguments, etc. etc. Scott found the funds and we've paid the bills for now and I will receive my zoloft tomorrow. I won't be back to (normal) for at least a week or 2 but at least I won't be as emotional and psychotic.

What I have learned. Going through all of this I came online to pay the bills and to read family stuff and was overcome with love and guidance by the spirit.
Tricia's site had postings about marriage, which was nothing I hadn't already seen, but I actually read and was taught by the spirit why I had to go through this DISASTER!
Hardship can bring happiness.

DID ANY OF THAT MAKE SENSE???

Starting back where my last post was............

I have been looking for a job since the kids went back to school.....they were off track for 2 weeks prior to Halloween and then went back to school. I decided I'd work the elections and was asked to be a poll manager for my precinct. I didn't mind accepting but knew that I'm not the most reliable person, because of my illnesses. So I promised myself that I would make sure nothing else would get in the way of making everything be perfect for SUPER Tuesday. I would get paid the most of all the jobs and of course I could use the $.
Now that it's all done, I will never do that again unless I'm only volunteering because it isn't worth the pay. I could have worked a whole lot less and got paid a small amount less and been better off.
Okay so anyhow, after attending 2 training classes of at least 3 hours each, being available for picking up and dropping off supplies, set up before election day, calling poll workers under me, working with election headquarters to make sure everything was a-ok, performing duties, making sure everyone else was doing their duties correctly, being nice and making sure everyone was comfortable, happy, fed, etc etc etc, IT WENT GREAT! I had 3 hours sleep and was sick for 3 days after.

As for Halloween, I made Christiana's costume and spent multiple hours on it but it sure costs a lot less and looked a lot cuter. She was an evil fairy this year. Tanner was with his dad but was able to attend another ward party a few days earlier with us and his cousin. He was excited to be able to dress up in 3 different costumes this year. He was a pirate, ninja & ghoul. As for Faith she was a good fairy. Each year the girls are the opposite of the other year. So next year Faith will be something evil again and Christiana will be good. As for Tanner, it's always something new.
Our ward always has a trunk or treat following a dinner chili/soup cook-off for the adults to have some fun. I entered 2 things and won for both in different categories. That was cool. Next year, I don't think I'll stress myself with it.
I know I'm a good cook and no one needs to tell me!:)

As I stated last time, we had our mommy cat give birth to a liter of 5 and our dog killed 1. Well they've all grown up and we adopted one out. I miss him terribly. He was our favorite cuddlier and the 1st born. He's doing well and lives in Idaho with Scott's sisters' in laws. They have a large country farm-like home with horses, dogs and cats. I guess he's being spoiled and loves to play with the big dogs.
As for our other babies, no one wants them until they're a little larger because of the other cats in their houses. That scares me because the larger the cats get the less likely anyone will want to adopt them. And I won't want to give them away. The mommy cat got out one morning before a bad storm and we haven't seen her since. That's been 2 1/2 weeks ago. I've tried looking for her but nope!
So I now have 1 dog, 1 grumpy old cat, 3 kittens, 1hampster, 20 fish, 3 children, 1 husband and lots of messes to clean up after!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Okay so I'm gonna take a break for now I'll be back.